The Good Old Days..

I know most of the people will just skip this post, as it's too long for them to read and devote their precious time. And that's Ok. Because this post is not for them at all.

I don't know what made me go through the chats of my Facebook messenger today. Going back and reading your own chats make you realize how silly you were at a point in time and how much your own thoughts and conversations change over time . Arrogant (you can feel a tinge of it in the chats), carefree, outspoken, selfish, dumb (to understand the hidden meaning behind the words) are some of the words in which I would describe the past me. And the most funny thing about it is the fact that it all seemed fine at some point of my life. I guess that's what people call immaturity.

With maturity comes realizations and one thing that I realize now about our lives is the fact that, the more options we have the more greedy and confused we become. We try to do everything and are ultimately left with very less. And it is valid for all aspect of life - Love, Friendship, Career decisions, Financial decisions, everything. Once you reach an intellectual level and have freedom to do whatever in your life, you start finding pros and cons with all your decisions. You do it with every single decision you take. Knowingly or unknowingly. Too much freedom is bad. Once in a while it is good to have someone who care about you and can make you follow a path, even if you don't like it. Once in a while it is good to be carefree and take decisions without evaluating it's pros and cons and see how it plays out. The worst thing is the fact that people realize this way too late in their lives. 

I feel sorry for myself not caring enough about the relationships and the valuable time I have spent in person and on social media, building strong bonds with people. For leaving it all behind for some shitty reasons that had absolute zero importance in my life. I am sorry to all the folks that actually felt a connection with me in all those conversations but I left them dwindling in between their thoughts. I am sorry to all the folks that actually cared about me and wanted me to be a part of their future lives but I was too busy with my own that I didn't see the their love and care for me.

And to all the people I never thanked enough and they know who they are - 

Thank you dude for surprising me with that birthday cake in the hostel quad during the 2nd year. Thank you my loves for all those silly conversions that I can't imagine were written and spoken by me at some point. Thank you so much dude for always motivating me to write new blogs although you still didn't get any. Thanks to you dude for trusting me and letting me be the tutor with your classes in MDI Gurgaon, even though you knew I was not fully prepared for it. Thank you so much, my parents and teachers, for believing in me during my school days and trusting that I can do it. Thank you for scolding me and never giving up on me when I didn't pick up your calls. Thanks you guys for making me celebrate my birthdays even though I didn't feel like doing it and making me understand the meaning of true friendship. Thank you my first crush for giving me the motivation to attend schools everyday and making me a studious boy. I hope one day I have the guts to tell you who you were. Thank you for the very first date :).

And yet again the intellectual side of me is telling me not to post it on social media. Why? Because I don't want people to know my vulnerable side. Because In their eyes, I just want to be seen as a relatively successful happy guy who has just moved on from all the memories and has completely forgotten about them. Well, Fuck all those thoughts and Fuck my image. I am doing it. It's a start .. 

A tree can never let go of its roots !

I grew up in a family where my father was the only breadwinner for the family. He had to support our family of 6 people including my mother, my grandmother, me and my 2 siblings. During my stay at home, I never felt that I am missing out on anything. Whatever I asked for, my father and mother ensured that I get that thing. As I came to high school there was a lot of fuss about JEE exam. About all of my classmates in class 11th were going into some coaching institute or the other. Following the sheep mentality I also enquired a little about JEE and since all of the other people were crazy to get selected into one of the IITs, it became my top priority as well. I enquired a little about the fees in the coaching institute for JEE. My friends told me that they are paying about Rs. 40000 for 2-year coaching. Hearing the amount I felt like leaving the idea of giving JEE as it was literally too much to pay for a 2-year course. The most I would have asked my father till that point in time would probably have been for a pair of shoes. Throughout class 11th I saw my friends discuss on multiple high-level problems which I cannot seem to understand. I wanted to attend the coaching but didn't want my father to feel low because of the fact that he would not have been able to pay for the coaching. I never discussed anything related to JEE with him when I was in class 11th. Results came and I passed 11th class with good grades.

As I entered class 12th, one day during our regular evening tea session, my father started talking about my future plans. Apparently, someone at work had boasted about their ward who was also preparing for the exam at some coaching institute and the hefty sum of money they had paid to make that happen. My father only brought up the point of me opting for the coaching. He asked what my other friends are planning as he had no exposure to science background. And when I told him about almost all of my class preparing for JEE, he actually encouraged me to join one of the coaching classes. The go ahead that my father gave me on that day, cannot be repaid by me in my entire lifetime. Just because of that day, that very moment, I was able to clear JEE and finally get placed in one of the multinational company as a business analyst.

Today it's been about 1 and a half year of me staying in this company. I earn good enough money to support myself and generally I feel that I have more than enough that I can actually spend. Being used to saving small pennies in the past I find my salary too much to spend in a month. I see a lot of people like me, all around me. People who do not have any money to reach where they want to go. Whom if given proper monetary support can achieve something that even the world would not have imagined. I believe that the best talent in the world comes from the people who actually know what difficult situations in life are.

I got promoted to SBA last month. All of my office folks were asking for the treat so today we went to windmills. It is a five star hotel in bangalore. We had proper dinner and all the other things possible and bill came out to be Rs 20000. While I was looking at the bill, my thoughts went back to the past. What if I would have just chucked this idea of treat and gave that Rs.20000 to someone for whom that money was worth more than that. For whom that money was the future which could have been brighter if he would have got that money as a scholorship. Did I do wrong by spending so much money on a treat. Then one of my colleague at work talked about something and I was back in the present. No I thought, it was perfect use of my hard earned money. After all, my treats are more important than anyone else's future.

Life Goes On ....

I don't actually know why I visited this blog page today but it surely made me remember a lot of past sweet memories. It reminded me of the awesome intern time in Reddy's Labs when I was first time on my own in a completely new city... far far away from all of my other folks... and it would not be wrong to say that was the time when I truly understood the value of friendship and family.
It made me remember those awesome days of college when I spent nights and days playing AOE and LOL and I would undoubtedly say that those were indeed the best days of my life till now.

Well.. It feels like centuries have passed since the last time I actually stepped into college. Last 1 and a half year experience of the outside world has been so rich and different that if I have to explain it to someone, I might end up writing a novel. With time a lot of things have changed. World has started to seem so different, unorganized and unpredictable to deal with. Being in bangalore for last 1 and a half year has completely changed the way I used to percieve the world. The world is not what it looks from outside.. It is full of life.. and with every life there are millions of stories....This blog is going to be alive once more to make the world hear those unheard stories... And there will be no end of it... As life goes on .. and so do the stories.......................

They Do Care..

I used to watch this cute couple of pigeon everyday..since the day i came to hyderabad for my intern..these 2 small birds used to play with each other..expressing their love in their own way..I had also sat there several times before, to just look at them seeing their way of expressing their feelings for each other and I always used to admire that...Every now and then one of them flies and other one tries to catch... It was a friday i guess I was sitting at my place and I just got out of my room to see what's up with this cute pigeon couple..but I found that they were not there...Instead a silvery white broken egg was present there and a small pigeon which looked as if it is a ball of cotton was lying in the nest..with it eyes closed, as if they are afraid of this big new world.. A sudden thought instantly came to my mind .. Hey don't these birds care for their child..they left him alone here..what if somebody take it away of their nest...what if some other bird come and take it off the nest...several questions come to my mind at once. For sometime I kept on looking at the baby..then came back to my seat again..A full flanged weekend was present in front of me and I was too excited as I was waiting for the weekend since last monday :P...anyways the weekend flew away with a lot of enjoyment..and here it was..Monday again...I reached my work place..there was no work assigned to me for today. I came out to say hello to the pigeons again..but I was completely bewildered by the sight... A snake was trying to climb the pipe to reach the nest in which the baby pigeon was there, and both the pigeons were hitting him hard on the head so as to stop him..Every now and then the snake tries to catch them but they both were faster than the snake. The snake fell down the pipe once and at other moment it again started moving up...without worrying much about the pigeons stroke this time..and yes he was almost there..almost near the baby..I thought of hitting the snake with a stone but at once the thought went away as the stone may hit the baby or the pigeons too...The serpent reached very close to the baby and now I can see the fear in the small eyes of little pigeon..and there it was the sight that I had never imagined..one of the pigeon stroke(She was the mother possibly) the snake so hard that blood came running out of his head...but at the same moment snake has catched the pigeon too...Both of them stroking each other fell down the nest..The pigeon was hitting snake with its poited beak and on the other side the snake was also biting her here and there. After very small interval the show was over..but the bodies were still lying there...The body of a cruel snake and a mother...who didn't worry about her life to save her child's...The baby pigeon was still looking down, fear filled in his eyes and the other pigeon was sitting behind the dead body of the mother pigeon...I felt a kind of guilt in myself...may be because I've not helped them while they were struggling for their child's life or may be because they have proved me wrong...They have proved that every Mother and Father do care for their child...It may occur sometimes that they don't get enough time to express it in front of you..but inside their heart they still hold a vast love for their child...Love that can't be compared with anything.....

The 100 Rupee Note

I have seen people in my life…lots of people… people running for their jobs…people enjoying at pubs..people who don’t find it a loss if they lose several thousands in a silly bet….people who sleep without having their dinner at night because they have brought the new school dress for their child…people who get frustrated from their work which is paying them 2k a day…people who are keenly interested in working in a firm which gives them 1000rs/month...people telling others that the ticket of that particular movie costs just 300rs…people who work in the field in a hot sunny day to get a 100 rupee note, so that they can fed their family and save some amount of it for the future needs….all sort of people.. people of different religions…from different backgrounds……. India is indeed a great country..lots of diversity it has. Not only in terms of religion for which it is famous all over the world..but also in many other aspects….
I’ve seen ‘chotu’ who works in a tea stall and his eyes when he watches children going to school..even ‘choti’s’ feelings who brings two bucketful water everyday from the nearby river seems very much the same in that situation.. I’ve seen a lot of pretty faces roaming around the malls, pubs and bars with a question written on their faces “Is there anyone prettier than me in this whole mall?” and I’ve also seen the girl who does not get time to make herself up because whole day she has to work in other’s houses to get some money for her family……
This blog is not to bring out their situation in front of others..this one is here because I want to salute them for what they are doing for their existence….for their ability to accept the situation they are in and live with it..I sincrely admire their courage to fight with the situation hoping well for the next day..For always reminding me the value of a 100 rupee note I m holding in my pocket….